


Semantics

by herbailiwick



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode Tag, Episode: s03e04 Sin City, Established Relationship, Gen, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-14
Updated: 2013-03-14
Packaged: 2017-12-05 06:43:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/720039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herbailiwick/pseuds/herbailiwick
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Marilyn (stvincentinexile).</p><p>Bobby reflects on Dean's question.</p><p>Established relationship. Takes place sometime after "Sin City".</p>
            </blockquote>





	Semantics

Dean said maybe Sam came back different. I think he did, but not in the way Dean was talking.

Hunters are always coming back different. So Sam came back from...wherever he went after dying. Yes, I know what Dean means by cold, too; the way Sam shot that boy Jake who stabbed him was shocking for me. 

You see, John played a tough game. He acted cold. He burned behind it, though, like Dean. They burn behind their statements of distance and apathy.

But Sam gets cold behind it. Sam is raw and steady and His Own Man. I'm serious, if you try to tell that boy something he don't want to hear, don't say I didn't warn you.

So, yeah, I think Sam came back different. I think Sam came out of feeling like maybe he could turn his old cursed blood and his new-found head-splitting abilities into something good. Because he worries, but he hopes. There was that boy Max he couldn't save, then there was that Evil Twin, and Sam thought it might only be a matter of time for him, but he still thought some good might come out of it all, that he and the rest of Azazel's chosen kids could have survived.

But Andy died. And Ava turned. And Jake killed Sam like it was nothing. Sam died trying to run towards Dean and me. 

And Dean went and did something stupid. I'm not saying I didn't want to keep Sam around, but not at the expense of Dean. Dean can be such a little hypocrite, and he doesn't even know it.

So, _yeah_ , Sam is different. But Dean is different. Hell, just seeing him try to live it up while we were hunting the Seven Deadly Sins was pretty aggravating, and Sam agreed. 

People aren't perfect little paper dolls. People are wet clay pots walking around trying to dry, smashing into walls. We change. We shift and crack and get into situations we can't quite recover from. 

So if you want to tell me someone's different, someone's too different to be themselves, I'm gonna need to face them down with salt, holy water, silver, whatever else I've got (which is a lot). Because if they ain't possessed, they're still them. 

I've seen the Truth turn mild-mannered folk into machines, and I'd still have dinner with most of them. I've seen the most confident businessmen I've ever heard of reduced to jumping at their own shadow and living out of trailers.

So if you tell me someone's different, if you tell me Hell shaped part of someone or their face is a mess of scars and they don't match the pretty picture on their photo ID enough to pass security anymore, if you tell me they don't know what it's like to get through a day without crying anymore, I'll believe you.

I've seen it all happen, after all. I'm not the same either. 

But I knew what Dean was really asking was if Sam was part demon. 

Well, he's _always_ been part demon, it turns out. Or, at least since I've known him. He's always had something in his blood that didn't belong there. He's always had a secret pit of rage inside of him. He's always been a world of hope with an undercurrent of Screw the World. 

No, what Dean was really asking, I guess, is whether the demon part outweighs the human part.

But it can't. That'd be impossible, I think, and I've seen everything happen to everyone and I've been shocked by the effect of the suffering of my fellow man, and by their strength and will, too.

Sam's going to be okay. I may have worried about Dean at night, prayed for Dean at night, may have threatened to shoot off John's stubborn, stupid head. I may have spared a thought for Sam's future more than I'll even admit. But I've always known Sam would be okay.

And that's the only reason we're so damn (too damn) close, the only reason we've reached some muddle-headed plateau. We're stuck together, now. We do other things, we have other ties, but it's nice to have someone you can count on to never get so different that you can't find a way back to trusting them. 

Sam's different, and I'm different too, and Dean's different, but Sam's never gonna be more demon than man. Something about the way he's shaped, that stupid, wet clay pot just stumbling around, something about him is too smart for that, too stubborn for that, too determined to be a normal old pot.

And I love him for that, as much as I can love someone who isn't Karen. I love him for that. And I'll lie to Dean as much as I have to to make it sound good.


End file.
